I’m practicing butt in chair. Which is the technical term for what many writers advocate, the forced sitting in front of an empty page until said page is filled, a timer goes off or whatever terms you and your inner artist have agreed to. I currently have four minutes left. I also am currently self-publishing a memoir and it is one the most frightening experiences of my life.
So many doubts surface on the regular: you’re not old enough to write a memoir, you should try to get it traditionally published, you are wasting your money, no one wants to read your crazy town words. The only way out of this constant negative bombardment is to just keep going. I have no idea if I’m doing the right thing anymore, I’m so lost in the fabric of doing it.
Not to mention that there is a very large and squiggly human child eagerly anticipating her arrival into this world. She currently resides in my belly. And her realness is so real and scary and exciting at this point that it feels like I am genuinely losing my mind.
All of these layers of giving birth to a book baby and the impending task of motherhood are about to be peeled, leaving an already extremely vulnerable artist and woman absolutely naked in front of everyone who knows her. As my body succumbs to the stretching and growing necessary to harbor new life, I have had to accept my current physical limitations and turn to look at this experience as a very precious gift. At first I felt limited, but now I feel grateful for the perspective this vulnerability has brought. Strangers help and look out for me all the time now and I have been privy to some of the sweetest and most heart shattering motherhood stories imaginable.
Placing my book out there in the world feels self-centered and awkward. It also feels risky and brutally, painfully honest. For what it’s worth, I want to tell you this particular story. I have no idea if you’ll be inspired or interested, engaged or satisfied. But I do believe that honestly telling our stories means something. I believe that my voice joins lots of other voices and that together we express something important about life. In other words, I hope you’ll read my book.
That all being said, I want to thank all of you for being patient during this period of radio silence. I am deep in editing mode, and even deeper in the final phase of this pilgrimage toward becoming a mother. Both events are expected around the first of May. You will be the first to know.
Until then, look for your chance to pre-order Follow That Arrow in the coming weeks.