I’m sitting on the couch with a baby who is twelve days old. It’s been raining all week and in between feedings we nap together, or listen to soft music, or watch a movie while she sleeps. The rain splashes against the windows and we are very cozy with our blankets and our hot tea and dad in the kitchen making dinner. Her tiny baby head fits in my hand. She’ll never be this small again, she is growing fast.
She is growing so fast that we will probably forget the way her shiny glass eyes peer out from a squishy face. We will forget how cute and soft her little noises are, her wide yawn, her impossibly tiny fingernails. She will grow and grow and very quickly her hair will turn from down to soft curls to textured locks. Her mouth will go from soft pink to full of teeth to crooked smile. I will forget what it felt like to carry her in my belly, the pain of birth, the anticipation of seeing her face for the first time.
This time will pass, like all things do, beautiful and tragic. We will never again have a tiny infant Ella to croon over while she sleeps, weeks of rain to keep us indoors, hours and hours just to hold her and rock her and admire her ears and eyebrows and toes. So that leaves nothing else to do but just savor this day, this entry into Motherhood. To take some time to be thankful for answered prayers that were so precious, they were never spoken aloud.
I never thought that it would feel this way, being a mom. It feels the same as standing on a mountain top, having walked for weeks and weeks. It feels the same as customers filling the coffee shop I started from scratch. It feels the same as locking the door to my Hawaiian home for the last time and not looking back. That glorious sense of free fall when you take a chance on something your heart is pulling you toward. That realization that this is the song of your heart. That moment of knowing, I was made for this.
And now I get to share all my heart songs with her, my little Ella Seraphim, as my mom did with me and your mom did with you. Not many of us get to experience this thing called being a mother, but all of us have been mothered, and so we are all in the fold.
For all the mom’s who have come before us, and all that will come after, we are in this together. For all those that have been held by a mother, fed by a mother, loved by someone who might as well be your mother, well we are all together, too.
So let’s use this time called Mother’s Day to appreciate just right where we are. Whether you are a new mom, a grandma, whether you have a great mom to celebrate or a mom to remember, let’s be thankful that someone fed us, cuddled us and kept us alive. Thanks mom.